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Monday, July 16, 2012

Mom doesn't have a penis!!!

We stopped at the Irving in Goobies on the Trans Canada Highway for lunch. We were driving to Gander with our three year son.

Hubby went to the restaurant side to get us a table and I took our son to the Ladies room with me to pee. The bathroom was full of people. We huddled into the small stall and I let him go first. He was getting the hang of standing up to pee. To keep his aim on target I always kept Cheerios in a baggy in my purse. I would throw a few in the toilet and tell him to sink the Cheerios. He was very proud of his perfect aim.
After I pulled his pants up I said "You stand there now and be good. Mom has to pee too."

"Do you want me to throw the Cheerios in Mom?"
"No. Mom don't need Cheerios" I told him.

"'Cause you got good aim right?"
I could hear the ladies outside the stall giggle at him.

I squat down to pee and a look of shock and horror came over his little three year old face. "Where's your penis Mom?" He asked with all sincerity. The ladies outside the stall were in a full roar by now.
"Shush!" I told him "Be quiet the ladies can hear you!"

"Your penis is gone! How are you peeing?" He bent down trying to look for my penis. The ladies outside could barely get their breath by now and I was trying to rush my pee and pull my pants up without having to explain the birds and the bees in an Irving bathroom stall.
I opened the stall. The ladies were waiting to see the innocent face of my three year old. "Does Dad know you don't have a penis?" His questions persisted even at the sink as I washed his hands. "Yes he knows. Girls don't have penises. Be quiet" I tried to rush him out of the room.

I could hear the laughter hit the ceiling as I exited the washroom.
While I was adjusting my clothes on the way out he got out of my grip and started running through the Irving restaurant. He spotted his father sitting in the furthest table away from us. As soon as his little feet hit the floor he yelled out in his loudest voice, "Dad, Dad, Dad!!! Mom lost her penis! She doesn't have a penis!"

The whole restaurant erupted into laughter while turning to see this blue eyed toddler running towards his father. My husband froze not sure what he was hearing and by the time it registered with him, it was too late. He was at the table and jumping up in a chair.
Our son looked his father right in the eye and said, "Mom don't have a penis! She had to pee sitting down!" Unable to hold back his laugh, hubby informs him, "Girls don't have penises. God didn't give them any. That's ok. Now lower your voice."

My three year old then spots me walking towards the table aware that every eye in the place is looking at me. He yells out, 'Mom! That's ok. You didn't lose your penis. God didn't give you one." The whole place broke out into a loud laughter.
Red faced, I sat at the table. A waitress arrived the same time with a big bowl of chocolate ice cream.  She sat it down in front of him.

'We didn't order this" I told her.
 "I know" she says, "But this little guy made me laugh today like I haven't laughed in years. He deserves a big bowl of chocolate ice cream."

"You're the prettiest waitress I've ever seen," he says with a big chocolate smile. She thanked him and we received service equal to any five star restaurant.
As they left, every patron in the place came by to say hello to the little boy who made them laugh and the Mom who didn't have a penis.