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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Why do cell phones always fall in the toilet?

I've spent the last year trying to decide if I am going to buy myself an Iphone. My kids got them for Christmas last year.  I have a Blackberry for work.

The kids are always showing me the latest Apps and how cool they are. They constantly make fun of me for carrying a Blackberry and an IPod with my music on it, plus a paper day-timer.
So, to become the cool Mom and to fit in with the cool kids, I finally gave in and bought myself the Iphone 4 S. I have to admit, I love it. I particularly love Siri, the voice App that talks back to you.

You can ask Siri anything and she will answer you.
My daughter asked "Where's the best place to hide a dead body?" and Siri gave her four locations I never would of thought of. I asked Siri "Who's the fairest of them all?" and she answered with "Snow White, is that you?" I say "I love you Siri" and she says "Oh, I bet you say that to all your Apple products." I asked her "What's the weather like today?" and she gives me the week forecast. Siri is quickly becoming my new BIFF (Best Iphone Forever Friend.)

Yesterday, after five days with my new IPhone 4 S, I went to the bathroom and the phone fell out of my pocket straight into the toilet.
Without a thought about who used it last I reached in and grabbed it. Tried to shake the water off it, then wrapped it in a towel and dried it. I knew water had gotten inside the phone. I hit the home button and it opened showing my screen saver, Tom Selleck in his Bluebloods police uniform from the waist up. I didn't know how to get the water out of it so I did what  anyone would do when your best friend almost drowns, I performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I put my mouth around the slot at the bottom of the phone where your plug in the charger, looked Tom straight in the eye and blew the water out of my phone. She lived and Tom now has a big smile on his face.

After I knew she was functioning properly it struck me that I should immediately brush my teeth and gargle with Listerine mouthwash.
The funny thing is, that's not the first time it happened. I should work in a cell phone testing lab.

A while ago, I was in the bathroom at work. I was washing my hands in the sink which is about four feet away from the toilet. I dabbed my hands dry with the paper towel and picked up my Blackberry. It slipped from my hands like a frog and jumped straight into the toilet! I had to reach in and grab it out (I did not perform mouth-to-moth on the Blackberry as we are just co-workers) and dried it with paper towels. I ran back to my office, put it on top of the electric heater and turned the heat on bust. For the rest of the morning I looked like I was going through the change of life because the sweat was dripping down my face but my Blackberry did come back to life except I couldn't use the "0" button.
Last summer, I was skimming rocks at the beach with my kids when I noticed a Blackberry washed up on shore near my feet. I picked it up thinking "Some loser's phone is dead." I hit the "on" button to see if it worked and it lit up showing my name on the screen. I shot a frantic look to the case on my hip and it was empty. My Blackberry fell out! I ran to the car and put it on the heater and blasted it with dry air until it came back to life. It did work for about a week and then the key board died.

What I found out after that incident was when cell phones get wet there is a very small pin-hole on them that turns red so dealers know you dropped them in the water. So don't try to lie about it. They will catch you. Just saying.
One afternoon I pulled out of my parking space at work, just as I was about to pull away I noticed a Blackberry on the pavement. "Someone lost their phone and I just ran over it" I thought. I got out and picked it up. It was mine and it didn't break.

My daughter informs me they sell rubber waterproof cases at The Future Shop for Iphone. So Siri and I will be heading out shortly to get a rubber to protect her and Tom.
What cell phone companies should invent is a carrying case that looks like those old black leather wallets that dudes carry in their back pocket. The ones that have a silver chain hooking it to their pants. That's what I need.

I asked Siri if she was ok after her near-death experience and she said, "I can't answer that. Will I Google it for you?" I am not sure if she is being honest or if she's just pissed with me for dropping her in the toilet.
Everything seems to be working fine on it. I just said "Good-night Siri" and she answered with "Good-night Helen." Daughter yells from her room, "Saying good-night to your phone! Really Mom. That's so un-cool!"

So I am no longer hanging with the cool kids. But I do love my new IPhone.