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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Have you tried men’s razors on your legs?

My daughter asked me to buy men’s razors instead of women’s razors the next time we needed them. I told her “No” women’s razors are made for curves and men’s razors were made for more rugged terrain like beards. She informs me that she read an article on the internet that said there was very little difference and men’s razors were cheaper and more durable.

So I had to try.

I picked up the Gillette razor with the roller ball head and gave it a test run. WELL! Let me tell you, my legs have never been so soft! It cut the hair below the follicle and it stayed soft for about two days longer! The razor was also cheaper than the female equivalent and lasted about two weeks longer!

I couldn’t believe it. We have been lied to all these years. Marketers have been selling us pink plastic razors and charging us more for them. They have been keeping us away from the men’s section like it had some kind of taboo curse on it.

I started to do some research and found out that the main difference between a male and female razor is basically the colour. The blades themselves are made from the same material. The male razor is made to be more durable because a beard is obviously harsher than the hair on a female’s legs and the handles are stronger because a man’s hands are typically bigger and stronger.

But that’s a good thing! Some of us have big man hands and course hair.

The price is also different. A pack of four male razors are cheaper than four female razors.

I found the male razors lasted longer, were easier to use because the grip was better and gave me a much better shave. They are also easier to clean because it seems like the blades are spaced a little farther apart.

I also researched shave gels. Apparently the only difference between male and female shave gels are the smell and the price! Male gel is usually cheaper, comes in a bigger container and you need less of it.

So there you go! Don’t get sucked in by the pink, plastic, flower razors. Reach for the rugged, blue blade and give it a test run with your big man hands.

Be careful, both cause nicks that can bleed and feel like you’re dying. So take your time around the tender lady bits.

I am celebrating Canada Day by stocking up on tampons!

That’s right tampons. No red and white balloons and streamers for me. Just pure white tampons. I’ll make them Canadian at the end of the month.

The federal government is pulling the string on the GST on feminine hygiene products, including tampons, starting July 1st.

That’s right. No more bleeding us dry.

Fill up the cart ladies because it’s estimated that removing the tax will cost the government around $36 million! Who’s bleeding now?

And it’s not just tampons! We won’t be paying the tax on sanitary napkins, sanitary belts or menstrual cups (Who the hell sticks that in them and empties it? That’s taking being environmentally friendly to the extreme).

And who do we have to thank for tax free periods? NDP MP Irene Mathyssen. Ms. Mathyssen sponsored a private member's bill that pulled the plug on taxing tampons.  She was quoted as saying, “This is a victory for all women.”

Yes! Damn the vote and equal pay for equal work. I am padding my pension with the tax savings from bleeding for free. Well tax free anyway.

Except for one thing. I am in menopause. I don’t bleed anymore. So do I get a tax rebate for years of bleeding without dying? Do I at least get a break on my income tax for almost 40 years of bloating and cramps?


Well Stephen Harper can take his tax free tampons and stick it where men should never attempt to put a tampon but we know they have thought about it.

That’s right! Right up his nose.

Hey Steve, if you want the female vote, give us tax free Vodka or wine. God knows I’d have to be drunk to vote for you anyway.